You Tweet Too Well. You Tweet Twell. 2nd Edition.

So, here are more super tweets and I wanted to share them first on my blog, and then steal them as my own on Twitter. You’ve been forewarned and I have the right to steal your tweets? OK. We’re agreed.

“That contraction hurt SOOO bad! ugh! That was definitely a 5!” –mrs_lds. Enchanting. I followed her tweets while she counted her contractions. What a fun Monday morning, and I can hardly wait to follow labor and birth. Wonder if she’ll tweet the count as she’s pushing, or if she’ll have someone do that for her. TBD. You are safe, my love, as I am not pregnant right now, so it will be years or another lifetime before I steal your tweets.

“Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.” –Phoernicia. Clever. Borrowing this one as my own, friend.

“Smoke alarm beeping every 2 minutes. I removed battery. Still it beeps. It’s possessed. I’m scared. I shall set it on fire” –davidschneider. Funny. My house has about 18 smoke alarms in it because we’re afraid of spontaneous combustion. It happens. What’s fun is that all alarms are due for batteries about the same time and it’s hard to identify which one needs changing today. Those beeps waking me in the middle of the night is an ingredient for the recipe of my first nervous breakdown. Since I’ve experienced the same thing, it’s fair to say this tweet belongs to me.

“Speaking of birds. I must thank the kind feathered creatures that sung sweet melodies and helped dress me and make my bed this morning.” –imwithjc, or, the official Jesus twitter. Informative. You no longer have to wonder, what would Jesus do? You just ask him @imwithjc I am only Divine by Your Sacrifice, JC. Therefore, I cannot take your tweets, but this blog officially belongs to you. I assume you already know the account password.

jdhalm remains incredibly talented and is on my favorites-list, tweettoowelltweeters on Twitter. After my first You Tweet Too Well blog, I realized that she hasn’t tweeted since April of 2009, and she only created three tweets. I have them all here, for us to enjoy together. From oldest to newest:

“American idol tonight!!! I wish they would have a NKOTB night!!!! That would be soooo bad a*s!!!!!”

“Soooo, I just got my tickets to NKOTB!!!! Woodlands, TX!!!! Can’t freakin wait!!!! I think we might get kinda wasty that night fo sho!!!!”

“@DonnieWahlberg Soooo, just got my tickets to NKOTB! Woodlands, TX! Can’t freakin wait! I think us girls might get wasty that night fo sho!” –jdhalm. Fantastic. Again, I like how she “might” get wasty, but it’s also “fo sho.” What I love is that she up-played how wasty she was going to get for Donnie. The first one feels like the truth to me. She was only going to get “kinda” wasty. However, she wanted Donnie to think she was fully “wasty.” Hmmmm . . .

I’m upset with Donnie Wahlberg right now. If he would have acknowledged jdhalm’s latest tweet, she would probably still be tweeting today and I would have much more to go on. I don’t know how receptive Donnie Wahlberg is to his twitter account, but something needs to be done about this.

As a final note, You Tweet Too Well is now coming to you weekly. Link up by posting your own Tweet Too Well blog or post in the comments section below.

P.S. Working on my Real Housewives Cobblesquat.  JC, could really use you on this one. Team Bethenny?  Or Team Jill?

You tweet too well. You tweet twell.

Back story: Do you see what I just tweeted. So, these are super and I wanted to share them first on my blog, and then steal them as my own tweets. You’ve been forewarned, right? I have the right to steal your tweets? OK. We’re agreed.

“That foot sex tweet won me 3 new followers. Cha-ching!” –By Frangia. Intriguing . . .

“Hold on to your asses. BIG NEWS.” –By ALMoreExciting. Exciting!

“How many times can Malcolm Turnbull post the link to his article?” –By eacrook. My kind of funny. How many times had Malcolm Turnbull done it so far?

“I get really distracted trying to talk to someone with no upper front teeth, you?” –By RKLugo. Classic.

“I don’t know Anissa, but A: I am totally pulling for her & sending all my good vibes. B: way to go people! this flood of caring is amazing!” –By causeiamawoman. New age. I love when people openly send good vibes.

“So, if I return the 2 or 3 phone calls I don’t feel like making, will the person who’s not returning my calls call me back? Just wondering.” –By RLVT. Clever. This is just the type of thing I’m talking about. I’m stealing this one for sure.

“who is this strange person sitting in my apartment in a pink snuggie reading Twilight and eating Ramen Noodles? Oh wait. That’s me.” –By Megsstine. Clever. Stealing this one too, but changing the title of the book, changing apartment to house, and changing Ramen Noodles to Cup O’Noodles. Wait. Nevermind. “My” post will be completely new and unrecognizable.

“Today I feel bloated and ugly like a pair of Crocks.” –By SnarkyWeinerDog. Clever. Taking that one; calling it my own.

“In bed with a cute guy. Hope he doesn’t notice.” –By JohannaGohmann. Clever to the point of no fair.

“Rum makes for terrible hangovers. I’m sticking with Vodka.” –By BrownBagCindi. Reasonable.

 “Thanks Roeland Park police for not knocking on our door and windows tonight…#spookypolice” — By LindsayP. Interesting. Why are the police spooky?

“@DonnieWahlberg Soooo, just got my tickets to NKOTB! Woodlands, TX! Can’t freakin wait! I think us girls might get wasty that night fo sho!” –By jdhallm. Funny. I don’t care who you are. Everything about this post from NKOTB to wasty is Love. I like that you “might” get wasty, but it’s also “fo sho.” I would steal this, if it were more believable. “Us” girls, aka my girls, aren’t anywhere near Woodlands, TX.

“When I see a hot tub, I don’t see a hot tub. I see a cauldron for people soup.” –By S_SylvesterGLEE. Too clever past the point of no fair. Let’s pretend we didn’t even see this one because she’s so completely out of my league.

“@chelseahandler chunk convinced me to let him out of the plastic dungeon thing and party hard. Ransom still $1100. http://twitpic.com/1hvpkm” –By JennyfromMTV. Throw-Back. I like this post for several reasons. #1: It’s Jenny McCarthy. #2: She’s speaking directly to Chelsea Handler. #3. Chunk? Goonies? Total Throw-back. A+. I’m not stealing this, I’m afraid I could get sued.

“I’ll also be on CNN tomorrow afternoon (Sat. April 10. I’ll be talking about a number of things, tax debt, spring… http://fb.me/v4BqJPES” –By SingletaryM. Important. You know what? I’m going to make a post like this, and it’s going to be so important that people won’t even care whether or not it’s true. I love how the post says tax debt, and then spring. I’m going to talk about saving a marriage after an affair, and then swimming pools and beach balls. 

“‘Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.’ -Anais Nin” –By islandcoach. Wisdom. Anais Nin? I hear Jewel singing the name. Lovely choice of quote.

Holy eyes wide open, Batman! I just figured out how to figure out when people are talking directly to me with the @ symbol. I’m having actual back-and-forth with fellow tweeters, so, feeling pretty pro right now. Honest to gosh, next thing you know, I’ll create a sensible and/or witty tweet. 

P.S. Having a spring girls’ getaway next weekend that will knock your socks off when I blog and post pictures. Jenny McCarthy, you are so totally invited. All the best in love and life.

Do you see what I just tweeted?!

I don’t know how to keep up with Twitter. I do alright with Facebook, but the tweeting talent seems to have passed me over. I just feel lost and so I start typing in the slot and blurt nonsense.

“I want to have a cup of coffee.”

“That didn’t make any sense. I was joking.”

“I’m typing a tweet.”

I mean, seriously. I’m obviously not made of one-liners, and I’m starting to envy those who are. The site makes me feel incompetent. I’m going to start stealing good tweets. Then what? Whose gonna check me, boo? Be careful. Watch out for my plagiarism, because I’m not even going to give you the RT credit you deserve. Envy is an ugly emotion and I certainly will not be held responsible for my actions. You’ve been forewarned. Either tweet as bad as I do, or get your good tweets stolen–right from underneath your clever little fingers (because your fingers were doing all the typing from your clever mind). SEE HOW BAD I AM AT ONE-LINERS?!

P.S. I’m planning a Real Housewives Cobblesquat. I will create a post that covers all of the shows, favorites and villains. I can hardly wait to write it. I Love me some Housewives.