Hey, You with the Pool!

I read a lot of lists on these here blogs. Everybody’s got one, so I thought, I’ll start a list. But, I am not a multi-tasker. I can only think of one thing at a time. So, here’s number one on my list:

1. Make 8 friends who have a backyard pool.

That way, I’ll get invited to a different pool friend’s house everyday and twice on Sundays. That sounds so cool, clear, and refreshing because it’s getting MUGGY up in ‘here. When we were kids, we used to call this sort of thing “using.” Now, it’s just “logical.” Virginia temps are reaching the mid-90’s and to be outside is to be sweating. I’ve had it with the hot nonsense already.

On a related note, guess who saw a new fuzzy neighbor yesterday? That’s right–ME. This fuzzy neighbor happens to be the only person I’ve seen in our ENTIRE neighborhood who owns a backyard pool. My dog took a dump right in front of her house, so, that gave us plenty of time to small-talk. 5 more dog dumps like that one, and I can call her a friend and find out what time’s too early for me to show up for a swim.

1 down. 7 to go.

Real Housewives? Yes, Please!

I Love me some Real Housewives, but I find my opportunities for show gossip too far and few between. I’m honestly shocked that people don’t lover those lover-licious housewives same as I do! The rest of the world must have their full share of drama and female hyjinx, but I need my fix. Besides that, I love to see how other people live.

Getting to know real people to see how they live takes forever because most of them want to small talk. I despise small talk because I feel as if it gets us nowhere. Small talk is the verbal equivalent of chasing your own tail. If someone approaches me and, within the first few minutes, we’re talking about real stuff (versus nonsense and fluff), I know that I have met a kindred spirit. For this reason, meeting my husband and I for the first time might seem more like an interrogation than small talk. If you feel inspired, answer these questions in comments and I promise you, I will be no less than thrilled to hear your answers!

#1 “Where do you love to vacation?”

#2 “What do you do with your spare time on the weekends?”

#3 “What do you watch on tv?”

We ask those questions, but if we really like the other people, it’s more like rapid fire and yelling, and not to be nosy. I just imagine that you know a beautiful spring vacation spot, right off the mountains and next to a lake. OR! That you’ve discovered the most serene and private east coast beach spot and no one else has heard of it yet. Perhaps you have a hobby that I have never considered, something that would not even occur to me to try, but I hear it from you and learn that I LoVe it! Or an exercise routine that would knock my socks off and you take a class every Saturday. Who knows? And I’m just spit-balling here. In reality, I never know what I might discover!

But, the big question is: what do you watch on TV? Because I have an entire, hour-long Housewives conversation just waiting to unload onto one unsuspecting viewer. Most people I know have only watched a show or two. Doesn’t stop me. I fill them in on what’s happened since the last show they may have watched and then discuss anything that may have been bothering me or exciting me about recent events. I can’t seem to help myself, I’m so excited about it that it just bubbles out of me.

Furthermore, there is nothing more fun than finding four unwatched Housewives of Anywhere in this Country episodes just awaiting my attention on the DVR. Add one bottle of Pinot and I might as well be on a girls’ vacation. Where you at Housewives lovers?

Fuzzy Neighbor Update #2

I found this one’s dog. My own dog walks are turning out to be a fuzzy neighbor (click for back story) goldmine. I wonder if I switch up the time of day, we might see even more action. Or I’ll take two walks. Or maybe three.

Because today I got a fuzzy neighbor’s phone number. Of course, it came off the dog’s collar, but I can pretty much guarantee that the neighbor and I are both glad I got it. No one answered when I called to say I found Gracie (the name of my new fuzzy friend’s dog), so I had to leave my phone number. Pretty sure she held on to that.

Our meeting was brief. She was all, “I don’t know how Gracie got out of the yard!” And I was all, “We’re new in town. I’m Lisa–nice to meetya.” (Lisa nice to meetya in sing-song, of course.) She kept trying to get to know me by blubbering over the lost dog, which was so highly unnecessary. We forgot to set up a date and time for a glass of wine on her back deck–you know, to thank me–but, I’m sure she’ll call.

Anyway, I told her about this blog and how thoroughly neighbor-licious I am. I can’t help think about how lucky she was that I let Gracie out of the fence–I mean, found Gracie.

Fuzzy Neighbor Update

I recently read that the best way to start a conversation with someone you don’t know is by having an object or event to discuss besides yourself. Agreeing on said object or event takes all the pressure off two strangers, and eliminates the awkward and preliminary “getting to know you” questions. On yesterday’s dog walk, and secretly inside my own quest to meet and greet my fuzzy neighbors (click for back story), I found just the situation I needed to spark a conversation with a neighbor I’ve never met.

Right down the block, I found icicle lights hanging over someone’s garage. And it’s after Easter! As this was obviously an oversight on my neighbor’s part, I decided to increase my neighbor-liciousness and shed light on the situation so I walked right up to her door.

“Excuse me. Hi. I’m Lisa, so glad to meetya.” FYI: I sing-song that part–Lisa, so glad to meetya–because I feel it makes me extra friends. At this point, I probably don’t have to tell you, I’d already won her over. “You’re not going to believe this, but when you packed up your Christmas decorations three months ago, you forgot to take down the icicle lights! Look! They’re hanging right there!” And we laughed. Or, I was laughing as I caught the eye of the neighbor across the street and pointed at the icicle lights. I think the home owner was laughing, too? Not sure. She may have been warming to my sense of humor. That can sometimes take a while.

She didn’t say much. She looked red, so I assumed she was pretty shy. I told her about this blog so she could look me up for coffee or wine sometime. Or anytime, really, now that we’re all introduced up and friendly with each other. I don’t think I caught her name . . . But, this is to you and you’re super welcome.

I am going to meet you now, whether you like it or not.

I moved into my neighborhood about nine months ago and I have yet to really meet a neighbor. It’s spring, and the ‘hood is bustling, and I’m shouting “Hi!” and “Hello!” with good response, but not getting much further. Fuzzy neighbors are slippery like that.

I call them fuzzy because I’m near-sighted and I rarely wear my glasses if I’m not driving or watching The Real Housewives of anywhere in this country. So, the people could be giving me dirty looks, could be smiling, could be talking to me on line in the grocery store, but I’d never know it unless I started wearing my glasses. Up close, they’d be people with faces, instead of fuzzy neighbors from afar. However, up close seems like a thousand miles away–quite a journey–and I’m ready to take the first step.

Truth be told, I was mad at all of them for months. I really love my new home and I pictured my neighbors approaching me–all giddy and glee–with welcome baskets and Real Housewives conversation. Never happened. The most dialogue I got was when the next door neighbor asked me to stop allowing my dogs to go to the bathroom in his yard. He was right, that happened. In my defense, that was after he neglected to bring me a goody basket or even come out and say “hey” when we were moving in. You saw me moving in! I know you did, you big being of fuzz.

So, lately I’ve been having a few conversations with my friends (of which I have MAN-Y–and good ones too, fuzzy neighbors) about my neighborhood. And someone made the most enlightening statement, “To have good neighbors, you have to be a good neighbor.” Aha!  I will no longer let the dogs loose in the yard, because they don’t behave and tend to roam off wherever they want, which happens to be just across the imaginary–but very real–border between my neighbor’s house and mine. I’ve started taking those dogs on more walks, AND I bring plenty of poo bags. With that, I feel that I am becoming more neighbor-licious every day.

Therefore, I am going to meet you now, fuzzy neighbors, whether you like it or not. You may be wondering, “who is that woman who keeps waving at me when she drives past my house?” Or, “Who keeps shouting ‘hello’ at us from two blocks down the street?” Or, “What’s that lady doing on our lawn?” She is me. And I was simply admiring your tulips–what a good year for them, wouldn’t you say? Next time, come out and greet me. I’m not crazy. I’m just so darn good-neighborly.